Tonywp’s Blog

Mother’s actual birthday this year following the lunar calendar (29th day of the 6th month) is August 19. As I won’t be able to be home then I thought I will make her happy by taking her out to dinner at the Bei King Restaurant in Simpang Empat on July 14. To add a livelier atmosphere we invited my 4th uncle Wang Ku and auntie, my godsister Chok Then and husbang Hwa Aun. Here’s a picture of me with Wai Har and grand daughter Ling who slept throughout the dinner.

I hope that Tony and the other siblings of mine will give mother a bigger celebration in 2-3 weeks time.

It was our first meeting with Ah Leng when we visited mother on July 13. I know she is an older lady, older than me, that is about all. But at 3pm when we got back to mother’s house I saw a motorcycle parked in the porch and I guess it must be hers.

After unloading our bags I had my first encounter with Ah Leng and she impressed me with her unassuming and caring approach. Her first question was if we will be eating dinner and I said yes. She had prepared some food and I had told mother that if Ah Leng can cook for us we will eat in then and go for dinner at a restaurant the next evening. I learned that Ah Leng used to be running a food business so can cook quite well. Tonight I think I enjoyed her cooking. First impression you know, must be cautious.

The thing that made her vastly better than the previous caregiver is her standard of housekeeping. The floors were clean, the bathrooms well scrubbed, the table top clean and without oil and the bedroom clean and odorless. I confess that I did not enjoy sleeping at mother’s because the room, bedsheet, blankets, etc were quite filthy. This time things are much much better and I think I have to credit Ah Leng since mother won’t be able to do this. The surprising relevation is Ah Leng is 71 years old and looks very healthy and strong apart from her weak legs. So we overlooked the slightly messy garden since she cannot squat for long to pull off the weeds.

Ah Leng has been with mother since May 8 and in just 2 months she got the drift of mother’s medication and food requirements. She prepared food and drinks for mother when the time comes. I said to mother that she put on some weight and she quickly credited it to Ah Leng’s loving care.

This morning Ah Leng prepared red wine chicken mee sua for us and it tasted very good. We decided to have the same for lunch before we leave. I asked he if she would oblige with a picture with mother and she gamely agreed.

Tony and family will be arriving home on July 16 to visit mother for the next 4 weeks. I am sure they will find the house in a good condition as well as a good cook to prepare nice meals for them.

Got off the phone with mother yesterday when I reminded her we will go back to see her on July 14. I guess some of you may be also going home about that period +/- 2/3 weeks. I asked mother about her birthday (she’ll be 84 this time) and she reminded me it will be on the 29th day of the 6th month. Mother celebrates on lunar calendar. I looked up the calendar and this day falls on 19th August (coincidentally also Wai Har’s birthday). Could have been a month earlier, but this year the lunar calendar has 13 months, with the 5th month repeated.

I told mother we’ll take her out for dinner when we are back and she said she’d like Ah Leng the new househelp to come too. Mother said if Ah Heong the former househelp is still around she will not be invited. Just shows how poor her service was and how happy mother is now with Ah Leng. Haven’t seen her in person but expects her to be more polite, not loud like Ah Heong, and a better caregiver. Let’s see.

Today is Mother’s Day and mother was very happy that some of you called home to greet her. When I managed to talk to her at 9.30pm she had just returned from a church dinner function commemorating Mother’s Day. She sounded strong, happy and her former self. I asked about Ah Leng and mother said she is so much better than Ah Heong. Let’s hope that it stays that way. For now mother is in good companionship.

Mother told me that Ah Heong left before lunch today. She was pleased to be rid of her as she was of no help when mother needed her. In the recent months she was spending more on food than mother. Mother sounded cheerful tonight. She will sleep alone and will go to church tomorrow. The new househelp, Ah Leng, will start work tomorrow on the same terms and pay.

When you talk with her be aware that mother is a slightly different person now. Just yesterday I received a very urgent call from her. Asking what was wrong she asked me to make sure to pay the outgoing maid on May 6 the day before she is to leave the service. She then asked if we are going to pay her a bonus, I said there wa no such arrangement. Later when I told her that Julian and Winnie has arrived home in the States, she shot back, ‘But were’nt they supposed to visit me?‘ When I said they have already visited you, she replied sheepishly that her memory is bad.

As for now Chok Then handles the salary payment to the caregiver but mother still hold the expenses money of several hundred ringgits at a time. This must be controlled so she do not lose her cash or get cheated. Perhaps we will ask Chok Then or Eng to help pay for groceries on a monthly basis so mother will just keep a little money at any one time. Just remember that we must not remove this completely as it is an affront to her dignity and self worth. Nothing serious yet to be alarm but to know that she often confuse the caller on the phone, or mistaken him for someone else. Signs of dementia.

When I met mother on 15th April, the current caregiver Ah Heong was around. She will definitely leave on 7th May, her last day of work. I talked to mother about her replacement. Originally she felt she would need an Indonesian maid so I made arrangement with an agency used by Lay Hoon, my cousin sister, who emailed me 2 contacts to consider. Mother decided otherwise, saying that she has found not one, but two, church members who are quite elderly, to keep her company throughout the day, with time off for their personal affairs. So the Indonesian maid recruitment is tentatively put on hold.

I guess what mother was saying is that she prefer someone she know, that companionship overides nursing care which at this point she can self manage (she is quite mobile and does not use the walker). It is only become important should she become incapable of self-care. Mother said that the new caregiver, Ah Leng, will come in on 7th May and will stay with her at night. I guess God has provided all of mother’s needs as they arise. What is worrisome is money management as she can be forgetful of where she keeps them, or if she has made certain payments. For this, Chok Ten or Eng will have to take some responsibility to pay the salary and bills.

Just heard from King New who went back last weekend that Ah Heong will leave the service of caring for mother on the first week of May. In the 7 months or so that she looked after mother, the relationship has not been great, at best tolerable. On the one hand mother being forgetful tend to blame things amiss on the caregiver who on the other hand had been bullying mother and not really taking care of mother especially when mother was very ill a few months ago. The parting of ways is just as well and give mother a better perspective of her expectations when we look for a replacement.

The plan is to scout for a foreign maid. Local caregivers are not willing to stay in and accompany mother 24 hours. If mother lowers her expectations and just rely on day maid it will be easier finding locals. In the coming days King New will seek the help of Eng or Lay Hoon to apply for an Indonesian maid. It will take about 2 months for one to come, assuming no delays. The period after 1st week May until a maid comes will be one that we need to micro manage mother’s supervision. Thank God her health is much better now although mobility is still an issue. Pray that she will remain safe from any injuries.

Just had a quick chat with her and she sound strong and fine. Continue to pray and chat with her when you are free.